Posted: 4th October, 2024 by The Alt Editing Staff
photo by Ashley Gellman
When Balance and Composure initially disbanded in 2019, I remember feeling both heavy-hearted and fortunate that I would get to see them for the last time in California. At the time, I felt there was something fortuitous about that as I was heading into my late 20’s and had already spent years finding spaces in between their music to fit into and grow up with. It had fortified me. They struck me as a band that would accompany me wherever I went as I tried to make sense of what lay before me in heartache, in grief, in loneliness, and they did. In the years that followed, the music stayed with me even amidst their absence.
Last year, when they made their return with “Savior Mode” and “Last to Know” they announced a brief run of shows that included the very same place where I had seen them last at The Glass House in Pomona, CA. Upon seeing them play live again, it was evident that they hadn’t missed a step. Their new songs resembled the somber energy they possessed prior to their last album Light We Made, only more refined than the post-hardcore brashness that came to define them. Eight years after their last full length album release, the Philadelphia based rock band have returned with a steadier bearing. Their long awaited fourth album with you in spirit simmers with disquietude and foreboding as personal obligations and preemptive grief take precedence over past grievances. It’s their most disarmingly honest and evolved album yet and I spoke with frontman Jon Simmons about the new band dynamic, returning to work with Will Yip, anticipating oncoming storms, and understanding his need for this particular outlet.
Two years ago, the members of Balance and Composure found themselves reaching out to one another about playing music together again. The band— which consists of vocalist / guitarist Jon Simmons, lead guitarist Erik Petersen, guitarist Andy Slaymaker, bassist Matt Warner, and drummer Dennis Wilson (who joined in 2019) — reunited after Petersen initiated the conversation and it was apparent that they had all missed each other. Without any pressure from the outside world, they were able to reconnect with what drove them to make music together as kids when it was purely an outlet for expression amongst friends.
A newfound sense of freedom had also established itself within the band’s dynamic as Wilson would begin writing with them for the first time. Simmons shares, “Having Dennis write with us, since he only got to play the old songs live with us, was a completely new dynamic, and it became really fun again. He’s open and willing, and it was just way more collaborative this time. I would say in the past there were a lot of butting heads or even bitter feelings towards each other because not everyone was really speaking their mind and giving their opinion. And this time, we took a totally different approach. We checked with everybody on each part of each song. We were like, ‘Do you like this? Is there anything you want to change?.’ I can’t say that every record was fun to make, but this one was. We just wanted everyone to be really happy with it, so it felt like being a kid again, like everything mattered.”
The band returned to work with long-time collaborator Will Yip who produced, co-wrote, and released the new album through his own label Memory Music. Yip, who has been working with the band since 2013’s The Things We Think We’re Missing, has been an intrinsic part of their sound and a close friend to the band for years. “We hadn’t even planned to record an album or anything really. We just missed each other and were getting together to write songs in a pure sense, with no plan, no pressure, and Will caught wind that we were writing songs, demanded to hear some demos, and then pressured us lovingly into recording with him and putting out the record,” Simmons says. Having already previously worked with Yip, it felt right for them to take him up on the offer. “It just felt natural and easy. That’s just how we want to do it these days. He is our favorite person to work with, so it was amazing. He’s improved so much in the last eight years since our last record and it was really cool to see him locked in and a big moment of pride to see how far he’s come,” he shares.
During their disbandment, Simmons had relocated to Los Angeles where he continued to write music under various projects including Creeks— his main focus as a solo artist. When the pandemic hit shortly after, it became difficult for him to offer direct support for loved ones back home in Philadelphia. Simmons expresses his tendency to withdraw when receiving bad news affected his capacity to show up for others and he struggled to be present with his family after discovering his mother had been diagnosed with lung cancer. “She has beat lung cancer since, but I was beating myself up over the fact that I just couldn’t deal with the situation at hand and step up and be a good brother and son, like I wasn’t doing my part,” he shares. Since his mother’s recovery, Simmons also shares that his father, who had not been involved in his life growing up, was diagnosed with ALS, a fatal neurodegenerative disease. “My father is on his last leg of life unfortunately and from that experience with my mother, I wanted to change my behavior and the way I handle bad news. So I’ve been making the point to be there for my dad as much as possible, help out in any way I can, and try to have a relationship with him. Preemptive grief was something I was dealing with a lot because I’m mourning that I never really got a relationship with him until now. That was a huge feeling throughout the record. It was a lot of what I was going through personally and just how I react to good news and bad news,” he openly expresses.
Throughout with you in spirit, it’s clear that the band have artistically returned to a darker and more intense state. However, they’ve traded in the raging hunger of their youth for a quieter confidence that pulls from all that they have accomplished over the years while honing in on the more melodic aspects of their writing. Similarly to their previous album, it feels as if there is no longer a need to impress the audience with aggression at the forefront. The album reflects the band’s growth in the way that it’s slower, more deliberate, and powerful in its pacing and layered instrumentation, while lyrically it’s the most incisive Simmons has ever been as he ruminates on every emotion that surfaces and that at times, threatens to engulf him.
The album begins where they left off with Light We Made. Electronic elements peer through as Simmons’ vocals are laced with auto-tune and the curtains are drawn back to reveal the band as they are today, a little older, and perhaps a little more weathered since we last heard from them as a unit before the pandemic. The introductory lines “Nobody knows where I’ve been. Nobody’s seen me since then. Nobody is needing a friend. Restless” come up through a soft melodic ascension and bridges the gap between the past and present before transitioning into more familiar sonic territory. As the full band cascades in for the heart wrenching “ain’t it sweet,” it seems to echo the sentiment behind finding what you love, in whatever form that may be, and letting it kill you.
The first single off the album “cross to bear,” which was released at the end of May earlier this year, reintroduces the band as a formidable force that are capable of wielding solemnity with absolute earnestness, and displays their unwavering instinct for cultivating the most impactful refrains. The rumbling bassline it begins with is deeply grounding and elevated by the harmonic guitar melodies while Simmons’ vocal control is soothing despite the undertone of animosity that boils underneath. It’s a theme that recurs throughout the album on tracks like “any means” and “believe the hype” as Simmons opts for leaning into expressing fleeting petulances rather than biting his tongue. “There are a couple songs on this record where I kind of let my pettiness come out because I don’t like holding on to anger. I figured that was the best way to deal with it. I was feeling hurt at those times of my life by people and I just let it flow and let it come out of me. I just wanted to go right from the heart on a couple of those,” he says.
A few hours after the initial single was released, the intensely self reflective single “sorrow machine” followed, along with a music video by LA stop-motion artist Dessie Jackson. It examines the relationship between being a vulnerable artist and anticipating a critical audience — something the band have visited before on a song like “Call It Losing Touch” on their previous album. On “sorrow machine” Simmons seems to express this preconceived notion that the audience will be disappointed by what they hear as he inspects his proclivity for self-destructive methods in order to keep audiences around. It’s something a lot of artists will find relatable as they brace themselves for scrutiny, but grapple with a need to freely express their innermost emotions even when they are cyclical. Ironically it is also one of the strongest songs on the album and combines their brand of moody alternative rock/post-hardcore with the grittiness of bare-boned southern rock. Wilson’s drumming trots propulsively and adds to the spectacle of the song’s dark country-esque reverberations. Simmons shares, “I was so excited to be in a band again and get into it and write our whole record, but when ‘sorrow machine’ came up, I remembered things I didn’t necessarily love about being the singer. I was kind of playing the role I think people want from me in that song, but also at the same time realizing I need this too. I need to be able to express myself in some way, shape, or form. So it’s me battling with that. I forgot how difficult and emotional that really is. I was still making music as Creeks, but this is a bigger scale so it feels more vulnerable. I was very in my head about it when I started writing that song.”
There are a couple of moments on the album where the tracks are reminiscent of older songs like “Echo” or the acoustic driven “Dirty Head” as well as material Simmons worked on as Creeks. Halfway through the album, “lead foot” is a minimal yet affecting track that sounds like classic Balance and Composure with a memorable riff to inspire late night musings. Simmons says of the track, “‘lead foot’ was originally a Creeks’ idea that I was saving, and I just couldn’t figure it out. So were ‘any means’ and a couple others, but I wouldn’t be able to piece those songs together the way we did without the band, they brought them to life for me.”
The most unexpected song on the album is the ostensibly bright “a little of myself.” It begins with a dark post-grunge guitar riff and tender vocals, but gradually shifts into this uplifting ascension of melodies that momentarily lifts the emotional weight of the album off before driving it home. Simmons’ vocals flow from a sorrowful tone to a light acceptance. The song is rather disarming as it’s in response to a painful experience, and yet unlike some of the other songs on the album, it approaches the subject without a trace of contempt. Instead, it comes off as the most forgiving song on the entire tracklist. “To be honest, I don’t necessarily love when we do upbeat songs like that so I was really worried about that song. I felt if we’re going to put this song out or record it, I want to make it as real and forthcoming about personal stuff as I can be, so that I do like it, and now I do because it’s just so fucking personal. I needed to get that out of me in the song. I wanted to go all out and really dig deep for this record,” Simmons states. The song which addresses the declining health of Simmons’ father revolves around heavy conversations they had with one another and the complex emotions that arose while witnessing and getting to know him in his most vulnerable state. Despite the anguish the song represents, it offers grace, compassion, and empathy for his father’s suffering and displays a certain resolve to do things differently and show up for his loved ones, making it their most devastatingly poignant song on love and grief.
The penultimate track “closer to god” reaches heights the band have never quite achieved until now. It slowly builds up towards a massive crescendo and creates a beautiful transcendent atmosphere while the song grapples with the ideologies that surround religious faith and the strain they put on familial relationships as they are brought into question. Simmons shares of the song, “Eric sent the guitar riff to me in 2021 and I was just listening to the verse riff over and over again. One day, I found the melody and sent it to him, and that was one of our songs where we were like, we have to work on this one together. I think that’s one of my more interesting melodies that I’m proud of throughout the album.”
There’s a duality that runs throughout much of the album, but particularly with the closing title track “with you in spirit.” While it’s fairly straightforward and addresses Simmons’ struggle with being present for loved ones, it’s compelling in the way that it succumbs to the weight of guilt and despair. There’s a gravity to the song that’s propelled by the driving bassline and dizzying post-punk inflections. It’s an intense track to close the album with and could just as well reflect the spirit of the band itself when they had broken up. As for choosing the song’s title to represent the album, Simmons shares, “That line stuck out to me because it’s a good statement piece for what the album collectively means to me and ‘with you in spirit’ just felt right. I was also thinking a lot about near death experiences and how people talk about connecting with people on Earth in spirit after they passed. I thought that was beautiful too.”
Visually the album cover depicts an oncoming storm looming in the distance behind two children, but it’s symbolic in that the moment captured is not devoid of light. There’s a glimmer of beauty on the horizon even as the storm threatens to arrive, and it mirrors the feeling of the album itself. On the artwork, Simmons says, “The album artwork was taken by me on an iPhone 13. I was at a family reunion last summer in 2023, and we were at my grandparents’ place in North Carolina where there’s tons of fields and stuff and it was about dinner time when we saw that storm coming in. It looked beautiful, but it became this crazy looking storm coming our way, and the adults were all freaked out. But the kids, like my nephews and nieces, were running around excited and going nuts, and I just thought that was interesting how they thought of the storm, and how I thought of the storm. When I listen to the record and I see the cover, I personally think ‘How will you handle the storm that’s coming up in your life?’ and a lot of the record is about confronting that.”
As Simmons reflects on the time spent away from the band, he shares, “I’m just so grateful to be able to do it again. I don’t know if this is the last time or what, but I’m just grateful that this is what’s happening right now. I’m with my friends making music, and that’s all I could ever ask for. So it means everything. I just didn’t think I would get this chance again. So I really want to live in gratitude, that’s really all it is. I just want to have fun with my friends and use it as an outlet. I feel like it’s pure again and I want to harness that. Yeah, I just want to continue to make it that way.”
Balance and Composure’s return stands out amongst the wave of nostalgic bands that often seek to emulate each other and suffer from being indistinguishable from one another as a result. They have arrived on this album without past reservations and a willingness to excavate years worth of anxieties and sorrows the only way they know how— through the music. It’s a triumph of progression that suggests the band’s best years are not behind them, they’re here with them now. From a personal standpoint, it’s the exact sort of thing that makes every other loss accrued over these last few years easier to bear, and it is a most welcome return.
with you in spirit is out now and available on all streaming platforms.
Merch available here.
Catch Balance and Composure on tour now with Kevin Devine and Milly
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Loan Pham | @x_loanp
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